Istvan Varga & Rozalia Makai website
http://www.vargamakai.com

HUMBLE ME, LORD
by Irma F. Matrai
"He...gives grace to the humble."
Proverbs 3:34
When I was about ten-twelve years old, I used to sing day in and day out, prayerfully and with great enthusiasm:

Humble me, Lord, as I come unto Thee,
Deepen my trust in Thy mercy t'ward me;
Bowed with my burden of sin and of dross,
Lowly, I bend at the foot of Thy cross.



Let me but enter Thy wounded side,
This world rejecting, there to abide;
Only in Thee can my spirit be blest,
Low at Thy feet, Lord, find peace and rest.



God took my plea seriously. He granted my request. For, he allowed me to go through several humbling experiences throughout my life, in order to gradually deepen my trust in his "mercy toward me." Of course, if I'd known ahead of time what it will take to have my prayer answered, I probably wouldn't have dared to ask for being humbled. But I didn't. As a matter of fact – even while going through those painful, humbling experiences – it took me a long time to realize that they were part of the answers to my earnest pleas.

How did God humble me?

First, through the Jewish persecution in Hungary. For, it was during that time that I found out that my dear father, who besides being a linotype printer was also preaching the Gospel; was born a Jew. Also, that this was the reason for him being drafted into the labor force of Hungary, instead of the army. Furthermore, that I was rejected for the same reason by one gimnazium after the other (college preparatory school in Europe from grade 5-12), till finally my mother was able to locate just one girl's school whose principal had pity on me.



Then, while attending that school and making fairly good grades, my mother kept reminding me that I come from a blue collar family. Thus, I should not be surprised if the girls from a better background wouldn't want to make friends with me. That sounded demeaning and/or humbling to me also. Especially since she forgot to mention that as a linotype printer my dad became a better read, and a more intelligent person than many educated people. Nor, that he knew the Bible better than some of the preachers for the same reason. Nor that, ever since he accepted Jesus as his personal Savior, he was preaching with great success. Only that he was a blue collar worker.


However, God supported me by giving me several real good, Christian friends anyway; some of whom actually became my prayer partners. Furthermore, by letting me grasp the great wisdom of my father, and by allowing me to see the wonderful results of his ministry. Next, when he and his labor unit was brutally deported like animals, from Hungary to the German death camps; I felt humbled again. Yet, during this time, God upheld me by giving me an unexplainable faith about his safe return.




Soon the war was ending and since Dad actually did survive the Holocaust he was able to return to us. For a while I felt relieved hoping that all persecutions and humbling experiences will finally be over. Yet, that's not what happened. Why? Just because at that time the communists took over our government and began to persecute my father and our family now because of his preaching and our faith in Christ. Eventually the situation became so bad that we were expecting someone to show up at our house any day or night, and take us all to prison or deport us to a labor camp. Thus, we were treated like criminals and I felt humbled once more. Still, the Lord upheld us with his mercy by miraculously sparing us from incarceration; thereby teaching us to trust him unconditionally.

Then, in October, 1956 the famous Hungarian Revolution broke out and my husband, myself, our little daughter and my parents escaped from Hungary because we were just too tired of being constantly persecuted; for one reason or another. But being a wondering, homeless refugee was also a humbling ordeal. Although, God was continuously with us and lead us from one place to the other.




We settled in the USA, where we hoped to be totally relieved of all problems. Yet, God had other plans. He allowed us to face several years of serious hardships with our immigration. Thus, I was humbled once again. Yet, not without his guidance which brought all of us even closer to him.
Afterwards God kept me humble and totally dependent on him through the experience of raising three wonderful children, and going through several of their illnesses and serious surgeries.
Next, I developed a breast tumor and my doctor urged me to get a biopsy as soon as possible, to see if it was cancerous or not. Although it turned out to be benign, yet until I got the results, I was real broken and humbled crying for his help.
Later my parents' illness and care became my lot. Once again, I had to humbly plead for daily strength and wisdom. And once again, my God tenderly yet clearly supported me. Then, in 1998, - due to a car accident - my husband was badly injured and needed back surgery and a lot of care. At that time I needed to lean on the Lord humbly and heavily again. And he was there for me.

I could go on and on about how God led and still leads me through the school of humility; but I won't . Rather just mention the last experience which happened in January 2000, when I was humbled deeper and in a more painful manner than ever. So much so, that my heart practically broke and I received some permanent scars. During that time, there were days when all I could do was to sob. Yet through my tears and pain, I cried to the Lord because I knew that he is the only one who can console me and renew my strength.

I could go on and on about how God led and still leads me through the school of humility; but I won't . Rather just mention the last experience which happened in January 2000, when I was humbled deeper and in a more painful manner than ever. So much so, that my heart practically broke and I received some permanent scars. During that time, there were days when all I could do was to sob. Yet through my tears and pain, I cried to the Lord because I knew that he is the only one who can console me and renew my strength. And the more I clung to him, the closer he came to me. To the point that I actually could feel his presence, and see his guidance.



 How did he help me?


By leading me to a seminar where I found clear, Biblical answers to what I have to do in that particular situation, and what I can expect in return. Then, equipping me with decisiveness and courage to accomplish them. (Although I'm not a decisive and courageous person by nature.)

In addition, he also helped me by consoling me through his Word, some preacher's messages, the support of my prayer partners, and the Christian books I was able to buy at the seminar. More importantly, he helped me so gracefully that, in spite of my immense pain and wailing, I felt like I was gently floating on top of the river of his "mercy," being upheld and kept afloat by his immense love.

And that's when the greatest miracle happened! For, it was at that time, that I finally realized that all the humbling experiences of my life were but answers to my childish prayer. In other words, that God was behind them teaching me to look up to him, instead of my circumstances; to trust him, even if my life seems unbearable; and totally rely on him for the solutions of my problems. And he did that till I was slowly able to grasp the depth of his "mercy toward me."

God is good! He answers prayers! And he does it in a way that we will be able to bear the outcome. For sometimes, we don't even know what we are asking. Thus, we can plead boldly for anything that is according to his will and will bring glory to his name; even humility. In other words, we may safely plead:
"Humble me, Lord, as I come unto Thee, deepen my trust in Thy mercy t'ward me..."

That's what I was, and am still learning in the school of humility.